Shackled In Chains

I sat in his office, my throat welled up and I cried.

I had been holding back these emotions for too long. [For an entire decade, if I'm being honest].

My manager listened and allowed me to express my feelings of inadequacy in my job and at home.  I explained that as a full-time working mother, I felt as if I was failing as a manager and as a mom. I told him I can't win on either side; pressure from work looms while I'm at home and guilt from home weighs heavily while I'm at work.

After I wiped the tears from my face, he followed with this three-word comment, "Manage your chaos".

I didn't expect to be met with this response. At first, I became defensive and then I shifted this perspective through a different lens. It hit me square in the face: I am in charge of my choices and my outcomes.

It took a bit for me to understand, but after some quiet retrospection, I realized that this conversation profoundly altered my thinking.

It was liberating. I felt heard and validated for the first time in my career as a working mom.

But the truth is, he didn't release me that day, I released myself.

I didn't realize it, but through the years, I had shackled myself in chains.

Somehow his words set me free that day.

I am now free to choose.

Today, I choose to manage my chaos.

Today, I choose to manage my life.